It doesn’t rain with confetti

So now dear Ashley is gtting married. and she is only 26. to Tommy Street. nice guy I am sure…who?? Steve asked me to be an usher for his wedding next year. I went to Oz to see LP and Sarina get hitched and I’ll return to Europe for Jeroen and Daphne’s Belgium do and Si and Jen’s Manchester event. I returned from Japan for my older sister’s wedding, scuttled back from SA in time for Jukesy’s do and ran up the country for Carlin’s a year later. Sadly I missed Matt and Minka’s do and even Andy got married on the sly. As the kids say OMFG, Dunc & James, two of best mates from Uni are married while the two girls I have loved are married too.

A huge party has been happening around me. I’ve been invited but I’m still not the inviter. Christine , my old mate is settling down (admit it girl!!) and that leaves who..?…me?

Ok, not just me (but this is a blog) and I don’t really mind that much but the glut of weddings in the 2006-2009 period has blindsided me. Of course, it was to happen but why now? Is it celestial? Has the DNA kicked in? Are we now matured enough like a fine wine to be drunk, to believe our life decisions are right? And they are decisions, choices for the next step. But knowing these couples, my friends, these are as close to sure bets as you can make. Wise choices. These friends love each other. Only their future decisions can hinder them, decisions they are wise enough to consider.

And maybe that’s it. I haven’t decided or considered or persisted. I haven’t loved as they have. I’ve loved and longed; longed and loved. But have never reached that mature co-dependancy that comes from consistency. This is all conjecture. I just don’t know. It’s just never seemed natural to me even though my heart longs and longs but for what and on whose terms, I just don’t know. Friends smile and know it will. They worry a touch but say it will come like it’s genetic. They say it with a glint, a pearly twinkle. That makes me smile. I can smile a lot and tend to. I should when I have friends like this. When it does, they will smile at me and damn guys, that will be some stag do.

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