Dan’s Trip to the Dentist

<– the picture is an artist’s impression

I visited the dentist this week for the first time in a while. Having had no issues and been travelling, its just been fallen down my list of needs to do. So while visiting the folks, I thought I’d go to a white room, lie back, chat about my life for two minutes with a man in blue I’ll never meet again in the company of a silent but active partner and let him put his instruments in my mouth.

He was a nice man, very unassuming as you’d like. No one wants a dentist who seems cocky or confident. He checked out my pegs, counted them up, pushed in to look for wear and tear and then informed me I needed a filling. So did the nurse but that’s a Pedro story. I took this on board as he cleaned and polish my teeth like a brass lamp. They did look slightly better to go with the nails I’m finally allowing to grow.

I’ve never had a fear of the dentist. Marathon Man was before my generation and the Yakuza antics of Beat Kitano only had comedy value for me. But its not the drill or the scrappy thing we should worry about. Its that the suction pump held by the nurse to remove the water and saliva. The whirling, sucking noise is invasive. The nurse in blue togs, her face just out of clear sight is hidden behind plastic glasses. She could be anyone.

The dentist was clearly plugging Braun. I assume he gets money for this. Twice he told me I should get the Braun Super-Scrubber (or something jargon-based bollocks). I asked him if there was anything wrong with my teeth and he replied no, they are fine. But get the Braun Super-Scrubber anyway. I looked at him. He looked at me and we moved on.

The most curious part of this check-up was the X-ray. I’m not sure why he wanted to take one. Maybe he wanted them on his wall. But the curious or worrying aspect involved the actual taking of the X-ray. A spatula is put in my mouth, the mobile unit placed next to my jaw and the nurse and dentist flee to the far side of the room to press a switch. The process was then repeated on the other side of my jaw. Considering I didn’t ask for this X-ray or put another way, to be exposed to radiation and have an increased risk of cancer.

Thanks Doc. I’m not sure I’ll be back but you improved a rainy day.

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