I said something I did mean.
Life and emotions can often turn in a heartbeat. For many, decisions made elsewhere have a profound effect on the lives and opprtunities of others. The world can seem chaotic, depressing and volatile. A sense of helplessness creates a need to make sense of it through reference to a supernatural power, be it a God of nature or of human creation. Refugees of war must wonder why they continue to be at the whim of instability, unable to know why their opportunities are curtailed and sanctioned by greater power, local, national or international. The local they can see. The national they expect. The international is beyond their control and comprehension.
I am fortunate. My decisions in general tend to be my own. Where I am, what I choose to do and live are within my own volation. I am aware of my fortune. As a disciple of Bourdieu, a student of sociology, economics and politics, a long-time traveller to the ‘other places’ and a conversation lover, I’m aware too that not everyone recognises their role in all of this whether it be benefical or negative. There are many shades of grey here.
Sometimes the decisions or choices we make are beyond our control and emotions creating a relative, major dilemma for the fortunate. Maslow would talk of the ‘need factor.’ The more fortunate we get, the shallower our needs become and yet they still seem urgent and essential. Recently a friend I’ve liked for a long time blurt out she felt the same as my unspoken thoughts. I replied in kind. We both sighed wth relief. But now we were somewhere else. Our world and thoughts transformed in a second. What does it all mean and where do we go? Is this viable?
Of course it’s never as simple as yes. Other people and consequences need to be considered and especially in this case. The right decision right now is often not the one you want to hear. And yet following the logic of your heart is not often the right way for the moment as lonesome as that could seem. So it goes on the backburner despite it being all you think about, despite it giving the long-absent logic to your fortunate life. The search continues.